Hello again. Missed me? It's been a while.
I have a theory. The quality of a writer's books correlates very closely with how well-named their characters are. This is basically going to be a list, I've just realised. The reigning champion of character naming is by no coincidence the writer of the greatest trilogy of books, Phillip Pullman. Roald Dahl does well too; as do JK Rowling and Paul Stewart (writer of the Edge Chronicles, a hugely underrated series). It's not just applicable to children's fantasy writers; all-time greats of literary fiction also survive this test.
A quick Google search of the greatest characters in history also reveals a list of the best named characters in history, from many of the best books in history. There's Holden Caulfield, Humbert Humbert, Atticus (and Scout and Jem) Finch, Jay Gatsby, Kurtz and Marlowe, James Bond, Sherlock Holmes, Gandalf, to name but a few...and of course, Shakespeare does alright too. Also the Bible is worth a mention, and not just because the main 'characters'' names have all ended up as Western-mainstays, but because of Methuselah, Solomon, and uh, Paul.
I've mentioned many of these characters a few posts back, but Pullmans array of creations are worth repeating. So, here is the greatest list of character names from one man (from the same book, no less): Lyra Belacqua, Pantaliamon, Lord Asriel, Marissa Coulter, Iorek Byrnison, Serafina Pekkala, Lee Scoreseby, Iofur Raknison, Stanislau Grummann, Balthamos, Baruch, Mary Malone, Chevalier Tialys, Lady Salmakia, and Metatron. Maybe Will Parry's slightly dull name is a reason why I never took to him like I did Lyra (if I ever have a daughter, she's gettin' called Lyra) and the rest. Sally Lockheart from Pullman's other fantastic series also gets an honourable mention.
Having just watched the BFG on telly I've rediscovered all Roald Dahl's fabulous creations. To wit, Charlie Bucket,Willy Wonka (and all the kids in Charlie in the Chocolate Factory); Bruce Bogtrotter, Ms. Trunchbull (Matilda); Aunts Spiker and Sponge (James and the Giant Peach); Boggis, Bunce and Bean (Fantastic Mr. Fox); the Twits (The Twits...obv); Fleshlumpeater, Gizzardgulper, Bonecruncher (and the other giants from The BFG, Manhugger (LOLGAY) notwithstanding). Quentin Blake is also the most fantastically named illustrator ever.
It goes the other way, too. Bad writers that turn out dull, flat prose also lumber their characters with dull, flat names. One of the main reasons I gave 50 Shades of Grey a wide berth is that the main character is the crinegeworthy Anastasia Steele. You can tell she's trying: Anastasia evokes the famous Russian princess with hints of Old World fantasy and seduction; Steele undercuts that with a cool modernism, replete with that extraneous 'e'. However, together to two mix like milk and orange juice, and make me want to vomit. In short, Anastasia Steele is a porn-star name (which, I admit, is apt. But that doesn't make it any better).
Thinking of these bad characters is difficult, because I tend to forget about them.
What makes for a great name? I...I have no idea, really. In the case of Dahl, his characters' names plainly reflect their defining characteristic, none more so than the tall, gaunt, cruel Aunt Spiker and her counterpart, the rotund and piggy Aunt Sponge. Pullman seems to drawn on national naming divisions; his characters with religious relevance drawn on Latin (Baruch and Balathamos for instance); Lee Scoreseby is indelibly Texan, Iorek and Iofur Icelandic (I think); while Lyra Belacqua is just fantastic, wild yet dignified, classical yet modern, and beautifully mellifluous (cheers thesaurus).
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