Mixing Cereals: A Beginner's Guide

Here's something a bit left-field: a guide to the misunderstood art of mixing cereals, in the format of a Q&A session.

What the fuck is mixing cereals? Some new kind of indie DJ technique?
No, you tit, it's mixing cereals, like for breakfast and stuff.

Umm...why?
Because cereals are social animals, and work better together than in isolation. Advantages are numerous. The chocolate milk properties of Coco-Pops, for instance, make most cereals more interesting. It also lets you feel less guilty about filling yourself with intensely sugary and salty cereals by tempering them with the 'healthy/ier' cereals, like Fruit 'n' Fibre, or the ones you can convince yourself aren't that unhealthy because no sugar is mentioned in the name, like Cheerios.

You're a strange, strange person.
I know, get over it.

Okay then, hit me with some of your best combinations.
Possibly the best thing about mixing cereals is that it turns that most inedible (yet annoyingly...err...energy-ific? Energetic? Energising?) of cereals, porridge, into something tolerable. I'm not saying it's the most delicious thing in the world by any means, but try sprinkling a load of Honey Nut Cornflakes on your porridge to make it less baby-pukeish (it will look like baby puke though). Most cereals are fine, but there is one massive exception: never ever EVER put Coco-Pops in porridge, it is unquestionably the worst combination ever, and mixes about as well as oil and water. If you're in it and the oil is on fire. With sharks.

Anything else?
So far it's been fairly Marxist - the base-superstructure approach to breakfeast (that was a typo, but I've decided it's better that way), if you like. But don't be afraid to add a third tier, and portions don't have to be equal. For instance Shreddies first, then Cheerios, topped with a few Frosted Wheats.

Don't people...y'know, think you're a bit special when you do this?
Like I've shat on my food, yes. But fuck other people, this is the business.

Right. Are we done now?
Yeah. Don't pretend you don't love it.

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