It's like they're twins or something!
However, Katy Perry is not Deschanel's long-lost sibling. No, instead Perry is her evil alter-ego. I think I'm onto something here. I'll break it down.
Appearance
Our pair of lovely lasses might look almost indistinguishable, but the key's in the details. Deschanel comes across as modest; Perry flaunts her modesty at every opportunity. What is mean by this is: boobs. We never really get to see any of Zooeys, but Katy Perry's approach to her boobs is best illustrated by a quote from Abraham Lincoln: 'you can show all your boobs some of the time, you can show some of your boobs all the time, but you can't show all your boobs all the time'. Perry's a slut; Deschanel's demure:
"But I want to show all my boobs, all the time!" - Katy Perry
Relationships
They say people are judged by the company one keeps; one of our ladies socialises with esteemed gentlemen like Russell Brand and elegant ladies like Rebecca Black; the other hangs with scruffy oiks like that dodgy Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Can you guess which?
Hands off, you disreputable ruffian, you
The evil side clearly has a stronger pull on Ms. Perry than it does Ms. Deschanel. The latter goes for guys that you'd be happy take home to your mother; the former goes for guys who should be kept away from your mother at all costs, let he bangs her.
Music
A necessary part of being 'the perfect woman', which Zooey has apparently made her goal, is being able to sing and shit. She turned out to be annoyingly good at that too, when she released a fairly decent album of folky tunes, with, yes, a 'kooky' edge a few years ago. Then there's also the above clip which is slap-bang in line with her 'adorkable' persona. Katy Perry, as ever yang to Deschanel's yin, sings songs about pulling girls in fairly extensive detail. It's really classy and stuff. Zooey is the kind of girl that you can believe like The Smiths (because The Smiths are so indie, insouciant, and appeal to those with an outcast complex (all eighty billion of them) dontchaknow)
"Some girls' mothers are bigger than other girls' mothers" - a real poet, that Morrissey
Conclusion
I think that's enough evidence to assert that Zooey Deschanel and Kety Perry, while facially eerily similar, diverge as far as possible when it comes to absolutely everything else. ZD is deliberately indie, KP literally makes 'pop'ular music; ZD looks like she'd side with the nerd at school; KP would be the bully. I may be clearly in favour of Deschanel here, but I'd bet Katy Perry would poll pretty strongly if they went up against each other in a popularity contest.
Admission: This post is intended to be one that gets me hits. The previous and only other time I have written about a celebrity also happens to be my second most trafficked-post ever; what can I say, I guess people really like Megan Fox. Also, (500) Days of Summer was on telly tonight so there's that too.
fuck you. your the slut
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