Tom Huddlestone: A Tribute

The five greatest loves of my life are as follows:

1) In Bruges 
2) Sprinting
3) the Tour de France
4) The Amber Spyglass 
5) Tom Huddlestone

I've gushed about the first four previously on this blog; now for number five.

Tom Huddlestone is a Spurs midfielder, usually played in a holding role, but sometimes is roped into playing centre half in desperate situations. He doesn't even start these days, with Andre Villas Boas preferring Sandro, Dembele, Parker and possibly Livermore and new-boy Tom Carroll, too, and has earned just four England caps, all of which came in insignificant matches. He deserves better, no doubt, but I have to concede it isn't too far off, either; as much as I love watching him play football, it's hard to deny that his ability is limited by his complete lack of pace. The man has the turning circle of a battleship.

He plays like a battleship, too. Huddlestone has the most outrageous, ridiculous passing range of any player I've ever seen play, ahead even of Xabi Alonso. He sits deeps and whacks bombs all over the place with almost unerring accuracy. Stats-wise, his passing accuracy is truly only average, however tiki taka is most definitely not Huddlestone's game. He plays dangerous balls at every opportunity, and his teammates, knowing how rarely he misses passes, are keen to make runs behind the defence. They don't always succeed, but they are very often dangerous. I loathe the phrase, but essentially he plays the 'quarterback role', which is a pretty good summation of his playing style.

Huddlestone is an absolute unit, and his unthreatening face belies his immense strength. Is there anyone in the Premier League that I'd want to fight less? Maybe Lee Cattermole, but I doubt it. Not ripped, just...big. Not fat, just...big. Huddlestone carries the essence of big-ness. He treats the ball like his plaything, toying with it, knocking it around like its the easiest thing in the world. Right foot? Left foot? Instep? Outside of the foot? Doesn't matter; all are effortless. He barely has to try and the ball zips across the turf or through the air, bending or dipping at his discretion.

Whenever a player executes a difficult skill, like a volley or some outstanding close-control, a football commentator on the telly is liable to say, 'Kids, watch and learn: that is textbook stuff'. Kids, watch a video of how Huddlestone strikes a football, because that is textbook stuff. In fact, this video, which is the best video on the internet, opens with almost that exact line. Did you watch that video yet? The goals, right? Amazing. Here's something more (or possibly less) amazing. Huddlestone has only scored fifteen goals, eight of them in the league. Frickin' all of 'em are from outside the box: four (City, Bolton, Sunderland, Arsenal (yussss)) are in that video; here are two against Fulham from the same match, both from outside the box; another one against Fulham here; here's another stonker against Dinamo Zagreb. All of them are like that! Ridiculous, no? Gerard has a reputation for scoring from outside the box; that man Gareth Bale is making a habit of it. But outside the box net-busters are the only sort of goal Huddlestone scores. A Huddlestone blooter is a rare gemstone on the footballing landscape.

Essentially, I love Tom Huddlestone as a footballer because he is a flawed genius. He has a tendency to slow the game down, which has its uses, but doesn't fit Spurs' thrusting pacey style of play. He is immensely, truly slow at running, and lumbers like an ent. I don't even care; I just love how he deals only in the spectacular, and even if I have to wait two years for his absolute best moments (he hasn't scored for two years; his hair reflects this), I will wait.

So, Tom, for the sake of the footballing world at large, and for the sake of crimes against hair-styles, hurry up and score a sodding goal.