Re-mythologising St. Lucia

I'm in St. Lucia, in the Caribbean. This is its creation story. All true.

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St Lucia has changed ownership from British to French and back seven times. When in the hands of the British, only roads going downhill were built, because the British wanted to be closer to the sea where they felt at home. Following a successful invasion by the French, only roads going uphill were laid, because the French wanted to carve some Alpine sensibility and purity of air into the Caribbean. Because of this, St Lucia does not have any flat roads whatsoever: all are either built steeply uphill by the French or steeply downhill by the English. Which is which, of course, depends on where you are going.

What with the minimal civilisation before the arrival of the two colonial powers, it has ended up that France and Britain have inadvertently become something akin to parents of St. Lucia, albeit acrimoniously separated parents. If you have any doubt which nation is the mother and which the father, consider the language of St. Lucia, and consider western custody ruling norms.

Of course, the instability during its formative years as a result of this back and forth between Britain and France has led to St Lucia being something of an emotionally unstable teenager, given to sudden outpourings of tears sandwiched by spells of a sunny and cheerful disposition. At times it feels like the emotional downpouring is the norm.

The divorce between Britain and France has cost both dearly financially, and neither offered much more than nominal financial support to their offspring. To support itself, the island has to sell the fruits of its loins to its more prosperous neighbours: bananas (St. Lucia is more St. Luke than St. Lucy). Flogging its bananas abroad is not enough to stay alive, so St Lucia has been forced into opening itself for “business” from rich overseas folk. They come all over St. Lucia and eat his bananas and treat him like a dirty slut. St. Lucia dresses up real nice for these folk, and ensures that they don’t see the locals except in service positions.